Just Staring At The Surface
by easyHarlequin
Summary: A lonely mythical creature meets a boy and decides that he is the one. Iceland is androgynous in this one and it probably will be nsfw at some point. Make sure to leave a review if you've read it!
1. Chapter 1

**warning: **this is writing practice for me and it will have a lot of fucked up elements to it! there will be alien biology and transformations and a ton of angst, but i hope someone will read and review this anyway.

* * *

I'm from where the water is deep and warmed by the rays of the sun. I'm from where the fish know each other and blow kisses whenever they pass by. I'm from where you look up and see dark clouds swirling overhead, over waves, over emeralds glimmering on top of the foam. I'm from a place shrouded by misery and mysteries, coveted by simple men and simple women who travel with breathless lungs to the murky depths; often clutched in my hands because I love them so very _much_.

Because of this I have never seen the dead leaves of the island above us. I have never seen the features of the human face calm and gentle – not struggling, panicking, and suffocating. I have not seen the places in which they live, or the schools that they dwell in. I know of the jagged rocks and the smooth sand and the softness of the world around me. But in of this I barely know anything at all.

I rarely even see the face of the one who bore me – although I do know his face to be as cruel as mine, and his body plated with thicker scales and stronger magic and denser muscle. He sticks to the shadows and the murky depths while he is forever courted by another whose name I never learned but whose presence I am wary of, nonetheless. They do not play with mankind in the same why I do. It's a curious game I propose, after all, and I am a lonely being.

Perhaps I am seeking comfort, or love, or more bones for my sick and lovely hole in the base of the island where it melds to the sea floor and where the water is cold and pressing. Now I do not know what I seek, and I haven't since I hauled my body up onto the slicing rocks to bathe in the muted sunlight gracing the side of our tiny island. I did not see him, but he saw me. The only indication of him being there was the fact he gasped and stumbled backwards, his feet kicking gravel aside clumsily.

I rolled over and back into the water, my tail curved upward; brushing the reverse window of the surface. I waited patiently for his face to appear; and it did.

He had long dark hair and almond-shaped eyes. His lips were parted in awe and I knew the water was not bleak enough to cover my pale hide. There was an ache in the pit of my stomach to know his name, and it quickly spread to my heart and to my head. I stayed there, suspended, while he stared at me. He blinked and rubbed at his eyes.

I put my arms over my head and grabbed onto my elbows, rocketing up and startling him away from the edge so I could rest my arms on the jagged rock. I could sense the fight or flight in him. It was gratifying.

"Such a handsome face must have a handsome name." I teased as I rested my chin upon one of my wrists. He seemed to be more at ease around me; and that was a good thing for me. It would make things easier along the path we were headed on. Because after this encounter he would return, and he would crave me.

"Kaoru. My name is Kaoru."

I hummed at that, and made a move to duck back into the water. He stopped me; the tips of his fingers brushing against my forearm. They fluttered over the ridges of fins there.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"What exactly are you?"

"I am many things. I'm sure you have heard myths." I supplied, hoping that he would let me go. But instead his fingers found a tighter grip upon my wrist and he dragged me back up with him.

"Will I see you around here again?"

"Perhaps," I whispered it, because he was leaning forward, and I was grabbing onto him forcefully. I wanted to drag him under and hold him close to me and show him the sharks patrolling the floor, show him the fish blinking as they floated in the dark, show him the jagged teeth I hid in my gums. His lips were chapped when they brushed mine, and he was warm and soft. His hand brushed my wet hair away from my forehead and his fingers stroked my neck, along my gills – but not touching them. His tongue probed my lips and slipped between them. His breath quickened when my tongue twined with his. After a few minutes I pulled away. I had grown bored of this. I knew he would sicken of the salt on my tongue and the feel of my teeth if they pricked him.

My tail could easily be melted away and replaced with strong but foreign things I learned to be 'legs'. But I didn't think this time called for it. He would suffer, and discourage himself, but he would return. With or without the knowledge of my ability.

"You will wait for me, Kaoru?"

_I'm going to swim in your night-terrors._

"Of course."

_I don't care._

"I'm flattered by your actions."

_It will be hell._

"You're beautiful."

_Your eyes are the water in my lungs._

"Farewell."

_You forget to ask my name, but to me it's all the same. Another drop of crimson in an ocean of endless blue, no one but me will know what happened to you. Maybe it's a relic of what is and what was lost, because your eyes are brown like autumn, and mine are chilled like frost._


	2. Chapter 2

**REWRITE OF CHAPTER 2**

* * *

I remember when my core had been completely shut in; shrouded by smoke and mirrors and guarded by ferocious animals on four legs and foam dripping from their maws. I barely noticed as it started crumble, started to develop gaping holes, started to ache as though it were a wound. I was a predator, a predator with a simple set of emotions and a simple set of actions. I felt fear when I was swimming and my cleaning-fish had left for one reason or another, I felt love whenever I saw a land-dweller with a pretty pair of eyes, and curiosity towards the dying fish that I so often found clutched in my hands.

Kaoru would come back once the sun set.

I knew that until then I would wrestle with my thoughts and instincts. I thought of his eyes and and how softly he'd kissed me. I thought about how his fingers felt as they brushed over my wrist and tightened down on them like I was the most beautiful thing for miles around. And in that moment, right then, I probably was.

I wanted his blood to sift through the water around me, and I wanted to catch his last breaths of air with my mouth. But at the same time the thought pierced me like ice and I froze in the water. My cleaning-fish tried to stay with me but I wanted to be alone, so I lashed at them until they scattered. I was conflicted and my chest ached and I had no idea what I was going to do. My muscles tensed and I drifted down into the darker depths of my domain.

I was used to being down here. That's why my skin was so pale. When I had caught glimpses of the mysterious one - who was _unashamedly courting _my mother-figure - I noticed that he had darker skin. Like he was from the Caribbean. Apparently there were others out there, and I had only made the journey once. I had never done it again because I found the inhabitants to be much too brash and frankly, they were odd when it came to social graces.

My thoughts drifted over the dark-skinned beings from the Caribbean and back to Kaoru. I wondered where he was from. His accent was weird and I honestly couldn't place it. His voice in general perplexed me, and I wanted to hear it again. I wanted to feel the goosebumps rise and follow my finger when I touched him.

I would get to, soon enough.

* * *

I am a predator, and a manipulator. Swimming after and terrorizing my food before I eat it is the only way I feel I can have fun. I love pricking them with little bites first and holding them as they squirm; their telepathic screams are some of the most beautiful noises one can hear. Before I could chase them around and frighten them, I had to get them close, and I had to create my own lure. Sometimes with a piece of another fish, and sometimes with my own body.

I figured Kaoru would like the latter more - at least my upper-half.

As soon as the sun dipped below the horizon I made my way to the surface, walking my hands through the soft sand and picking up the small shells buried in them. They distracted me while I waited for him in the murky salt-water. He was taking a long time, and the amount of shellfish that had been pried open and yanked out of their shells had grown considerably and they littered the space around me.

It had turned pitch-dark by the time I sensed his bare feet splashing into the small waves that kissed the shoreline. He waded out deeper and a thrill rushed through my body in the form of an apprehensive shiver. I surfaced and the tips of my hair floated on the sloshing water, I swam closer and eventually he stopped. It was a strain to keep my torso out of the water, but I tried to do it anyway as I went face to face with him. His arms were dry and they scratched at my waist as he wrapped himself around me.

His breath was hot and fleeting as he tried to lean in for a kiss. I leaned back and giggled at him, my fingers were laced around the back of his neck, and my eyes were trained on his. Kaoru frowned at me, his mind was filled with confusion and a whole lot of anger - it made me feel giddy.

"Do you want me to show you something?" I laughed through my words and tugged on him. I wanted him to be my pet; so I could drag him along behind me and show him the bleached and gnawed on bones of my old lovers and playthings. Then I could feel satiated and content and maybe I wouldn't be so lonely. I had almost stopped considering the impossible - the impossible being that I try to stay with him.

"I want to know your name." he murmured as his fingertips brushed along the outlines of my ribs. I wasn't going hungry down there in my waters, but some parts of me just refused to acquire any blubber - and I think he liked that, what with the way he pressed into the spaces between the bones. His fingers tracing my body like that made me shiver again.

I hated pulling the facade I had made up. I felt like I was trying to attract him when I bit my lip and squirmed so that I rubbed against him, and I felt like it was working. His cheeks grew red when I asked him if it mattered; but he nodded. The water grew cold on my skin, and the fact that his fingertips had started to brush over my gills, actually caressing them, made me feel comfortable.

"Emil." I whispered it so softly that he craned his neck forward with the effort to catch what I had said. "Emil." I said it a little louder and he came closer still, but only to press his lips to the corner of my mouth. I smirked and tried to playfully bite at him. His hands went down past my waist and to the part where it seemed to melt into my more animalistic counterpart. I stopped and let him map it out with his hands - it didn't seem sexual to me, but to him it must have been. My expression went somber and my brain went numb. I felt paralyzed.

Now I knew what it was like for the fish when I caught them and scared the life right out of them. I kept waiting for a response; but his eyebrows just creased and he tilted his head to deliver a soft kiss to my cheek. A rumbling started low in my throat and I grabbed on to him more tightly, I started to ease him back toward the drop-off. He followed me like - what was the phrase? - _a sheep to the slaughter._

The water opened up beneath us like a great gaping mouth and he was swimming, and now he was using _me_ for support. The open water called to me and I leaned forward to catch his upper lip between the serrated edges of my second-teeth. Kaoru's hazel eyes went wide in surprise as blood spilled from the gash and I licked slowly into his mouth, my tongue rubbing against his in a rough haze of metal and salt.

"I want to show you something," I made it a whimper, low and pitiful and _needy_. He groaned at me and I could feel his skin grow even warmer despite the chill of the water.

It was less than a second before I was diving down, down, _down. _My only goal was to get to the bottom. Never mind that he clawed down my chest, and never mind that the bubbles tickled my throat, and never mind that his legs kicked uselessly at my tail - I had him now. I had him now.

I had him until I looked at the life flowing out of him, and I could feel the strain of his lungs against my stomach. He started to give up on struggling.

A sudden pang of sympathy and another foreign feeling made me go back to the surface, to let him gasp for air and start screaming as he vomited up salt water into the surrounding ocean. My eyes were half-lidded and I was tired. I felt so tired, and maybe even ashamed of myself. Ashamed for not following through on killing him, or not following through on never seeing him again. In that moment I hated every fiber of my being.

_"Let go of me!" _he screamed at me, _"Put me down you dirty fish!"_

_I'm sorry, _I thought over and over again as I dragged him to the rocks where we first met,_ I'm sorry, I'm so sorry._

I laid him down on the rough, scraping surface and his body was soaked to the bone and aching and sore and I could feel it. I flopped onto the rocks next to him and rested my palms on the rock on either side of him. I pressed my forehead to his fleetingly as his breath quickened and evened out. I could feel what he was feeling and thinking and I tried to keep the link between us strong. I didn't want to forget him, and I didn't want him to block me out.

_It's not okay, Emil._

_What you did was not okay._


	3. Chapter 3

__**a/n: **wrote this when i was half asleep oh my god

* * *

_"Fly me to... the farthest star... and carve on me... a brand new scar..." _

This is the singing that woke me, accompanied by thin fingers petting my hair and stroking the side of my face. I came to slowly, expecting to see him smiling down at me with those sharp teeth of his - but no, he seemed _dead_ with his glazed over and bloodshot eyes. He was still halfway in the water, but the water around him was a shocking crimson and the foam that stuck to his sides was pink.

All of my rational thoughts crammed themselves into the far reaches of my mind. Yes, he had tried to kill me, but could I really blame him for that? He was probably brought up to do that - it was probably an instinct, or maybe it had been planted so deep in his mindset that it at least _passed_ as an instinct. I had a right to be angry, and a right to feel betrayed. But he was hurt and I was _smitten _with almost every aspect of him.

He was still trying to mumble out his song as I tried to drag him out of the water. I expected him to be heavy - because with the way he had so quickly overpowered me before; I had assumed that he had some muscle. But his body was lithe, if not womanly, in shape. When the water let go of him, it revealed pale thighs and rounded knees and then finally a pair of almost-dainty feet. Blood trickled steadily from a dark gash on his stomach. I felt my throat clench and my heart almost seized at the sight of it.

_"Unknown elements... of flesh and of bone... strip from my body... and bury in stone..." _

"Emil-"

_"Hide me where only darkness can harm me... where I can be safe from sound... and the burdens I bring to you..." _

I forced my arms underneath him and got to my feet shakily. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and took a few steps toward the nearest civilization. His singing made me feel stronger, in a way. But it made my heart feel crippled in all of the worst ways.

He had tried to_ kill_ me, and I was going to _help_ him. I knew he was sorry - I could hear him saying he felt sorry. I could feel him_ feeling_ sorry. It was so foreign and odd and painful all the same and I hated him almost as much as I loved him. His body felt like it had no bones in it, and his blood was trickling and sticking to my fingers in pristine drops that made me think of rubies.

_"Don't fall down for me... don't quiet me... you are the only one who hears..." _

* * *

A few hours later of cussing and fumbling with a first aid passed in a rushed blur and ended with us sitting on the couch in the living room. The clothes he was wearing were too big for him - they were my clothes - my shirt went down to about mid-thigh, and my jeans went over his heels and cupped them like shoes. The pain medication I had given him didn't appear to do anything. He whined and pulled his shirt up and patted at the bandaged wrapped around his middle as if confirming that his injury was still, indeed, underneath.

I turned on the television and Emil grew wide-eyed and almost afraid. It occurred to me that this was probably his first time seeing the inside of a house.

"What is... that?"

"It's a TV." I replied, hardly flinching as he eased down to lean against the arm rest. His legs went across my lap.

"What is it for?"

"Entertainment."

"Huh. Weird."

"I guess."

A few moments passed, rather awkwardly. It wouldn't have been so awkward if I could stop fidgeting.

"So when will you bring me back home?"

"... It's obviously not safe for you back there. You never even told me how you got hurt."

"I did a bad thing and I got punished for it."

"So not drowning me was a bad thing."

_"Yes!" _he confirmed, exasperated. His pupils shrunk rapidly, and when he looked at me again they grew - leaving only a sliver of blue around them. They were beautiful, as were the air-tight gills on his neck, and the discolored and raised fins on his forearms. I had only been staring for a few seconds, but he had to nudge me to get my attention back.

"I don't think so. Plus... I really want to see what you're like. I want to learn about you, Emil. I'm sure you don't hate me, and it wouldn't hurt to stick around. Both of my parents are out for the week; they'll be back, but only for a while. If you decide you hate it here then I'll take you back. I promise."

Emil grew quiet. I watched as his thin fingers twisted at the hem of the shirt he was wearing. He was watching me watch him.

"I suppose that's fair."

_Can you still hear me?_

"... You should probably sleep in my bed while you're recovering. I'll be close by, I have a futon in my room."

_Yes, I can hear you. _

"All right."

_Good. _

I switched the television off and tossed the remote onto the love-seat on the opposite wall. He lifted his legs off of my lap when I moved to get up. The air around us was tense and I couldn't tell what he was feeling anymore - I felt irrevocably alone in his presence.

I showed him my bed and he crawled into it and pulled the covers right over his head, and buried himself in between my two pillows. Seeing Emil's fingers gripping the covers made me feel ill at ease - especially as I crawled onto the already-made futon by my closet. _I'm a wreck, _I thought quietly as my body started to relax; hours of stress melting down into the hastily thrown on sheets.

* * *

Emil showed up in my dreams - white tail and all.

But instead of scaring and taunting and teasing me, he was locked in a fierce argument with another creature - one that shared his smile, and his eyes. They were fighting only a few feet away from me, ignoring my presence completely. The other one he was viciously pushing and shoving was obviously a male - unlike Emil - he had broad, muscled shoulders, and a battered and scarred shark tail. He was frowning the whole time Emil lunged at him, he flexed and clenched his hands menacingly, curling and uncurling his fingers and rolling his shoulders defensively every time Emil threw his weight against him.

I could tell this was a memory. A very recent one at that. The colors were vivid and bright, and the water around us was warm.

_"Such a puny little guppie. Mournfully in love with a human. Pitiful. You know he does not truly _love_ you. He finds you _pretty to look at _and nothing more."_

"Be quiet! Leave me alone!"

The bigger merman only grinned and his arms shot out without warning and caught Emil in a vice grip. I couldn't do anything about it, despite my outrage. That's where the bruising on his arms and shoulders came from. Now it was Emil's turn to curl and uncurl his hands into fists as his elder (well, I assumed he was older) descended upon him so that their faces were a mere inch apart.

_"You are sick in your _heart_. You have such rotten luck that I am the one who gets to punish you and not your mother." _

He let go but Emil stayed there. He stayed almost perfectly still as the other sunk a sharpened nail into his stomach and slashed across it.

I remembered the wound being shallow; but all stomach injuries were painful, and this was no exception. The water around them clouded with blood and Emil choked out a sob as the other pressed his forehead against his own and stroked his cheek in a soothing manner. Emil looked at him like he was a greedy tyrant, or maybe he was looking at him as if he were a _god_.

I was angry.

I was so angry.

_"You are not welcome back in my waters unless you finish what you started." _

"I can't." he murmured. That was when that horrible creature grabbed Emil's neck, and trapped him with his tail in a blurred frenzy. Emil clawed at the fingers clutching his gills and I could feel my heart sink into the pit of my stomach when his feeling of self-loathing sunk in. He hated himself for what he was feeling towards me. I felt how torn and tired he was, and how much he longed to latch on to the other merman and apologize.

_"Then don't come back. You are a danger to me, and to your mother and all else who come here." _

The other - I still didn't know his name - thrust Emil away from his body violently. Emil swam away, leaving a whispering trail off blood that left the sound of screaming in my ears and I had to wake up I had to I had to _I had to._


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n; **it's past my bedtime and i'm going away for the weekend bluhh

ill edit and/or rewrite this when i get back ok

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I didn't like sleeping by myself. It was an unfamiliar and strange thing I had never encountered before. The ocean was big, but it was crowded and there was always something nuzzling up to me for warmth, despite its fear that I would eat it. I, myself, had never had to stoop so low. I had never inched close to my caretaker, even though he had told me many times that he loved me - it didn't fit the natural order. But it was only after I had shed the majority of his clothes from my body and onto the floor, and after I had crawled onto the futon with him, that I decided the feelings in my chest were definitely more than fear and respect.

I hardly feared him telling anyone about me, much less slaughtering me. Kaoru was soft and compliant underneath his lean muscle and put-off expressions. I respected that this was his place and I had no right to be here but he wrapped his arms around me when I joined him, even though he was asleep.

I touched my forehead to his, like I had so many times before - and I could feel Kaoru slipping into my mind just as I slipped past him and into his. He was screaming because now he knew the reaches of my subconscious well, more than I knew it, just as I was exploring and learning and knowing his.

We fell asleep.

His subconscious was dark and dusty, like he tried not to remember things, even when he was unconscious. It was odd, and I found it extremely unsettling how they were divided up into simple images and simple actions and words. They were usually in black and white - so I guess he didn't dream in color.

In a sense, his nightmares were just as scary as mine. His father had lashed out a few times, and that was what played fresh in his mind. His mother had many other children, most of them were his half-siblings. He wasn't happy. He had been happy, but that was a long time ago.

I coddled him when I could, I manipulated his subconscious and made it brighter. I stroked his cheek and pressed my lips to his forehead. I knew he was somewhere in my mind; probably having a horrible time. Maybe he was crying, but I didn't know. I felt him as he started to wake up - there was a wild shift in scenery and I could hear him speaking to me through his dream-state. _"You're not supposed to be in here."_

I didn't have time to apologize before I was ripped away, waking up and breathing like it was my first breath of air. His hair was in my face, and I could feel his breath, warm and soft on the sensitive gills on the side of my neck. He kissed them. I shivered from the cold and he clutched the fabric of the tank top hanging from my frame.

"Why do you do that?" he asked me, his lips still brushing by my gills. It almost hurt with how chapped they were now. Gills were sensitive, and generally not for touching, but I thought I should show him some trust; considering he didn't completely trust me.

"I wanted to make your dreams a little better."

"But your dreams are so... awful, Emil. They're terrible. I can't believe he did that to you." his fingers slipped under my shirt, cold and precise as they traced the edges of my dressed wound. I let him, and simply looked down at his hands while he did it. It felt like an intimate moment, so I put my hands on top of his and guided them to my cheek. He cradled my head and I inched closer to him.

"It seems like we're both whales discarded from their pods." I murmured. The human term for it might have been 'a fish out of water' and I remember it being referred to as 'black sheep'. But none of them had ever seemed appropriate to me.

Because I knew the whales, even though they hated me. I knew how they played with one another and protected and loved one another and if one was killed it was always mourned. But if they were left, that meant something was wrong with it. He was in this large house by himself, and I had been forced out of mine.

He didn't say anything in response for a long time.

Kaoru shifted and I saw his eyes in full-view for what felt like the first time. He looked at me differently this time, and I didn't know why. No one had ever looked at me the way he looked at me now - like the shadows underneath us were reaching up and pulling him away from me and I needed to grab him.

"If she asks who you are, you're a friend from school."

"All right." I said simply.

"You're a boy. Tell her that and she'll let you stay over. If you don't I'll get yelled at and I'll have to hide you." He was going to start rambling, now. He just kept gushing and gushing out all this dumb information.

"All right." I said again. I slid down and rested my head against his chest. He got the message and rolled over and on to his back. It was a little uncomfortable and I felt the gash on my stomach stretch and ooze as I flung my arm over him. His arm curled around me and rested on my waist.

The feeling that he could hurt me in any way he wanted, and how suddenly it came, was unavoidable. In that moment I felt how I imagined the little fish felt when they swam around me at night. I could've dug my fingers into their gills, and I could've ripped their fins off and shoved my nails into their cuts and their bruises but I _hadn't. _Kaoru could do that to me, and I hoped that he wouldn't.

"Please go to sleep, Emil. And stay in your own head this time."

"I'll try." I whispered as he relaxed underneath me.

It took a while for me to fall asleep. A light drizzle started outside and made quiet noises that left me restless. I'm sure he didn't appreciate it much; the way I moved and groaned because I couldn't fall back asleep.

At some point he got so fed up with me clinging to him that he actually got up and shoved a body pillow on the other side of the bed so he could sandwich me between it and him. When he did that it was unexpected, and maybe a little comical, and I felt a little threatened by it. One of his legs was between mine and his arms were wrapped around me loosely.

If one of my kind had been doing this to me I would've been consumed with unadulterated fear and bloodlust if I so much as scratched them. But humans were different - and I had never known one on this level. I had only known two beforehand. And they were dead. Dead like the still water on the seafloor, and dead like the feeling in my toes.

Humans were vulnerable when they slept - but not as vulnerable as _we_ were when we slept. Most of the time I tried not to. Mostly out of fear that _he_ would gut me, like he had wanted to earlier. I needed to stop thinking about it and comparing Kaoru to myself and my kind. We were very different. I was getting exhausted just thinking about it, so I leaned back into him and hugged the pillow to my chest. We fit together snugly underneath the sheets and I thought that maybe tomorrow would be a good day if I just got a good amount of sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

__**a/n: **a nsfw filler thing. as i've warned everyone before emil DOES NOT HAVE human anatomy. and though his anatomy is vaguely similar to that of a female's, it's really different and this is probably going to be an issue for the both of them. u v u  
i'm resisting the urge to write incompatible/possible body horror stuff. i'll probably save that for another fic.

* * *

_He was in my dream._

_He was in my dream but I couldn't see his face, I could only feel his body, and how it complied and broke underneath my blunt nails. My fingers were digging into his thighs - but I could barely see the paleness of his skin, the rest of my vision was occupied by swirling and the color blue. Warmth spread through me like a wildfire, clashing with the chills that splintered up my neck._

_I thought that maybe he had slipped into my dreams again, but he seemed just as surprised as I was. His mouth was hot and wet against my shoulder, and I could feel his inhuman teeth lightly pressing down - the pressure of blood welling against my skin made me arch my back._

_He bit down and I felt warm blood trickle down my torso. Emil licked over the gash and spread his hips farther apart. He felt so good against me, and my vision started to clear as he pulled away and let me see my blood on his lips, coating his teeth. Blue eyes were glazed over and filled with lust; and I felt my heart accelerate when he actually put his weight down on me and I remembered what I had seen when I had carried him home before I had clothed him._

_It was just a wet slit. It was why I had told him to call himself a boy. I didn't know how mermaids(?) handled gender or sex or whatever it was, so I didn't know what he was. I had assumed. And maybe that was wrong._

_Emil moved in a way I could only describe as animalistic; he whined and his pupils dilated rapidly as I put a shaking hand in the gap between his legs. My shoulder was pulsing from the bite he had given me, aching with pain. He got up on his knees and wrapped his arms around my neck, he started to shower me with little kisses and whispering something I couldn't quite make out until he forcefully grabbed my hand and pressed it right against him._

_"Please." he whispered one last time, pressing his lips against the puncture wounds he had made. I felt his gills flare up against my neck as I rubbed against him, and when he spread his legs even farther my fingers started to slip into him. Emil let out a few breathy moans and rutted against them._

_It was an understatement to say I had no idea what I was doing. I could feel him breathing against my fingertips, and I couldn't help but imagine what he would feel like around me. So tight and hot and oh my God. His fingers ran through my hair and pulled on it, sending a wave of static down my spine and I almost cried out with how hard he did it._

_"I can give you what you want." he smiled as he pulled himself off of my lap and grabbed my cock. His hands were warm - I had been so used to them being cold before but now they were soft and my mind completely whited out as he touched me and everything was replaced by pleasure and his rolling hips leaving a cooling stripe up and down my dick and I knew I was moaning but I didn't really care._

* * *

I woke up panting. Emil wasn't next to me anymore.

That scared me more than it should have.

The rain was beating at the side of the house, and I couldn't quite remember when it had changed from the gentle shower to the downpour that it was now.


	6. Chapter 6

Dreams are peculiar things that I had always been fascinated with. They were so different from the nightmares that the most primitive subconscious had. Being able to sync with and understand them was something my mother had taught me as means to make 'hunting' easier, because then I could easily appeal to whatever they desired, and inevitably use it against them. Most of us could do this without even thinking about it.

When I saw what Kaoru's subconscious had drawn up of me - of us - my cheeks had burned with such intensity that I left him alone and ventured onto the porch. It was virtually untouched by the rain, which was slamming at the back of the house, and it was a nice place to sit despite there being no furniture. It was still cold, and I was still wearing nothing but Kaoru's boxers. I pressed my back against the wall, pressed my thumbs to the arches in my feet, and pressed my teeth to my tongue.

I was used to cold water surrounding me - but cold air was completely different. I still felt stranded, contrary to the soothing and caressing that the gentle push and pull of the water did to me. Air didn't soothe or comfort - it whipped, and chilled the wetness in my eyes.

I could hear Kaoru falling out of bed.

I continued to press my thumbs to the insides of my feet. They were so foreign - soft and delicate - unlike my tail. I looked down at my thighs and the creased insides of my knees and I found it all very strange. I could hear Kaoru opening doors and saying my name, and I could hear his feet stomping on the carpet, and I was aware how close the front door was to me when it burst open.

His panic all but disappeared when he looked at me.

I looked back at him meekly. In his dream he had thought of me biting him. I don't know why but I took that as a negative gesture to do with his trust, and I wanted his trust. I didn't want him to be afraid of me.

He sat next to me and criss-crossed his legs. I turned my head and looked out at the expanse of mud and patches of grass.

"I'm sorry, Emil. If you saw any of that- I couldn't help it-"

"It's fine. Do not apologize for it." I murmured.

"I just think that you're beautiful, and I don't know if your kind has dreams like that, but-"

"We do. But they're different."

Kaoru stopped talking. This gave me time to notice the toughened skin on the bottom of his feet, and the darker splotches on his legs that might have been birthmarks or scars. It also gave me some time to think about what to say to him. He seemed so troubled, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. The gashes on my stomach unleashed another wave of pain that made me grind my teeth and wince. Kaoru jumped and looked at me, surprised. He went to wrap his arm around me, and I didn't stop him.

"The cold isn't going to help you, you know."

I don't think he realized the weight of his words.

"The futon wasn't very comfortable, Kaoru."

"We can move to the bed, if you want to." he said, getting to his feet. He grabbed my hands and helped me up. I nodded in response and followed him back inside, where it was warm.

Silently, we moved the blankets and pillows back onto his bed. He climbed in and I climbed in after him, tucking in the comforter underneath my chin and facing him. He looked so guilty, so unlike the first time I saw him when he had just been out to visit the beach - his brown eyes had looked so carefree then. But now a thousand things were on his mind and they were flashing before my eyes.

"You're the most amazing person I've ever met, Emil. I think you're beautiful, but that's not all it is. I promise you that."

He was being sincere, that much I knew, but the way his fingers brushed over the bandages on my stomach let me know that he was apologetic. I let him keep his hand there as I nuzzled in closer and kissed the juncture between his chin and neck.

_mournfully in love with a human. _

"I love you," I whispered. He murmured it back and captured my lips with his, sweet and chaste. I kept hearing_ his_ voice loud and clear in my head as Kaoru continued to kiss me; _mournfully in love. _Our mingling breath grew hot and desperate alongside our aching bodies and he touched me and I let out whimpering noises that - in any other situation - I would have hated myself for. His hands found my hips and they pulled me flush against him, my back arching in a way that amplified everything around me, while simultaneously blurring everything out.

* * *

_pitiful. _His intrusive thoughts were paining me at this point. Kaoru had fallen asleep with his body pressed behind mine and his hands resting on the insides of my thighs. He snored, only a little bit, but it helped to distract me. The rain was still pouring, our hearts were still beating out of sync, and my stomach was stinging every time he shifted on the creaky bed.

We hadn't done anything like in his dream. He had touched me, yes, as I had touched him. It lasted for a few blissful minutes, until his eyelids drooped and a voice echoed saying _he finds you pretty to look at and nothing more._ That was when I rolled over, and he gingerly lowered himself into place behind me. He caressed my sides and my face until he drifted to sleep.

It was true, though. He was right. Infatuation was how we lured them in - only I was prolonging the process and making it way more intimate than it needed to be - harder than expected. Soon I wouldn't be able to do it. All the stress was already weighing on my mind _(you are sick in your_ _heart!_).

I felt it more prominently than I had ever felt anything before. I felt it like a hook snagging my tail (a thousand hooks in your gills), or a violent playfight with an outsider trying to gain trust (she bit you). It hurt. I've thought those two words a million times but it's always there (it hurts?).

(he does not truly love you.)

(who has always been there to watch out for you?)

(me.)

(and here you go, sleeping beside a human and interlocking your thoughts just as _mates_ should do.)

(but remember that i am still here to love and protect you.)

(and he only finds you_ pretty to look at!) _

* * *

**i'm getting bored with this so if it gets deleted don't be surprised or anything. all my fanfics on this account are shit anyway.**_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**(YO I EDITED THIS)i've already forgotten what i've written in previous chapters because i've gone through so many ideas and written and re-written them so here you go and i'm sorry. i just wanted to write some angsty smut. this whole fic has been angsty fluff and angsty smut so get used to it, lemoncakes.**

**also it's only fair to tell you that mermaids are manipulative and selfish little shits. now take that and make them a brooding teenager. emil in a nutshell.**

**have fun, kiddies**

* * *

I woke up when the bed dipped down near my hip. Kaoru hadn't been in the bed with me for a few hours, and I had been drifting somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness with my limbs tangled in the sheets. I looked up at him just as he was looking down at me; his eyes giving away only curiosity and affection. I could see myself through his eyes and I saw that he was afraid of me as well - of my eyes and how they shrunk and grew, and of the tips of my teeth. _Please don't be frightened of me. (I'm not.)_

It wasn't long before I was sliding onto his lap and massaging the stiff muscles in his neck. I was leaving trails of kisses down the column of his throat and his nails were dragging down the heated skin of my sides - his mind was still swarming with worry and now that we were actually alone; this started to bother me. _You need to calm down. _He didn't protest; he didn't agree. Kaoru kissed me and his tongue ventured between my parted lips, running over my tongue and snagging on my teeth. The taste of blood flooded our mouths but he didn't pull back. The sharp _(intoxicating) _taste of iron didn't leave our mouths even after we parted - he smiled at me with teeth tinted pink and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, don't laugh at me." he smiled wider and smacked me on my backside. I raised my eyebrows and pinned him down at his shoulders, I leaned down and nibbled lightly at his bottom lip. He bucked upwards and I could feel him underneath the layers of clothes that separated us - hot and pulsing. I stopped biting his lip and bit down on my own, I rubbed back against him hard and slow. Our lips were still barely apart, his breath mingled with mine and the feel it in my lungs

"A-ah. Oh." The warmth between my legs had grown so much it hurt with how much stimulation I was getting, I was so unfocused that I didn't even notice when he flipped us over so that he was on top of me. He pulled my boxers down and around my ankles. He worked his own boxers off and I stared at his revealed member. If he hadn't been blushing before, he certainly was now. It was endearing, if anything. My arms were wrapped loosely around his neck when he reached down to touch himself. Kaoru sucked in air through his teeth and his voice was so quiet that I could barely hear it, "I haven't done this before."

"I haven't either."

"What if I do something wrong?"

"Just go slow." _Be careful. _I reached down to touch myself, mirroring him in any way I could right down to the noises I made - he started to pant and my fingers sunk farther in and I _mewled_ at him. My fingers were completely wet by the time Kaoru's hand joined mine. I threw my head back and moaned as his fingers slicked and pushed in next to mine.

He pulled his hand away and I could see it working along his shaft. I tried to just focus on him and his movement as I continued to thrust against my hand and stretch myself. He kissed me, even as his hand met with my shaking ones and pulled them away - I gasped into his mouth as he aligned himself and started to press into me. It hurt; but the pain wasn't unbearable. I could still hear everything he was thinking - but right now he wasn't thinking much of anything. Everything was blurring together in a scene of pleasure and spikes of pain. _  
_

_Slowly. _

For every splinter of pain that shot through me, it was amplified underneath the bandages that held tightly to my stomach, and followed shortly by a wave of pleasure. I had never known anything like this; I had pleasured myself before but not in this form and never so close to anyone - not to this extent. Kaoru froze above me, his eyes shielded from view by his hair. I moistened my lips and brushed his hair away with my wrists, curling my fingers into the black strands. His hazel eyes were clouded over and intent.

"Emil."

"Yes?"

"Never mind."

_No, tell me. _I punctuated my thought by bringing him closer to me by tightening my legs around him. I clenched my muscles around the base of his shaft and watched his mind go like static. Shallow thrusts made me gasp, and I could practically feel my eyes becoming blown when I looked at him. _(I think I love you.) _

_and i could just imagine him as one of us, a red and white tail that clashed with his almond shaped eyes, a fiery temper. teeth sharper than mine. battle scars and unnameable grace. gorgeous. _

A spreading warmth settled in my entire body, and the only thing in my mind was Kaoru and the mingling scent of blood clinging to his breath. He kissed me and filled my lungs with the sickeningly sweet essence of iron, and the way he moved brought on shocks that ran up my spine. The friction he created sent me into a frenzy; I clawed at his back and then ran the pads of my fingers all over the raised, oozing lines - I smeared the blood on his back and he didn't even acknowledge it.

Kaoru grew frantic as I clenched around him, I dragged my teeth across his shoulder before pressing down and drawing blood. "Oh_ fuck." _he slowed, but pulled away from me and my jaw. He leaned back and settled his hands on my hips; thrusting hard and deep - pushing against the small bundle of nerves I didn't even know I had. "Kaoru," I moaned and he tried to tell me something, but I couldn't understand any of it because he was spilling into me; and _panicking._

_but the panic and the sex and the blood sent me so far over the edge. even as he pulled out and spilled all over my thighs. he covered his eyes as if he were ashamed and this sparked a bout of aggression i had never felt towards and other living being before. _

I followed him close and started to grind down on his softening hard on. He was so oversensitive that _it hurt and god I loved it. _I broke through the skin on his shoulder and he had my hips in his bruising grip, he shivered and winced when my tongue ran over the punctures. "I love you," he murmured.

_drunk off my bloodlust, i didn't think of anything to say back. all i knew was that he was my salvation from the loneliness that had been gnawing at my core for years. i felt the need to preserve him, but for selfish, selfish reasons. and drunk off my bloodlust i told him that i loved him too, and that i wanted him to be mine and mine alone, that i wanted his heart in a box. _

My eyelids grew heavy. I crawled off of him and buried myself in the covers, he followed suit and cuddled up behind me. It was hard to fall asleep.

* * *

The rest of the day passed dismally. At around noon he made us lunch and helped me take a shower and reapply my bandages. He had clothes picked out for me, too (they were some of his sister's clothes, but she had moved out a few years prior). Kaoru also explained that he had convinced his mother to tell the school about a failed home school situation, and how I had gotten 'kicked out' of my 'house'. I wouldn't have to take any physical education classes due to my injuries, and I would essentially get to follow Kaoru wherever he went during the school day. That sounded all right to me.

The way he looked at me was different, however. The link between us seemed damaged, somehow, and I couldn't tell why. There was a certain tension, like our bond was being squeezed and scratched at; even though I worked so hard to make it strong the first time I met him.

As we were sitting at the dining table, a familiar voice made itself known to me once more. _(You mated.) _He was probably the one severing it. The dumb brute.

_That's none of your business._

_(It is if it's true. Maybe he simply fondled your gills and you got excited and I am mistaken.)_

_(But if I find that you have,)_

_(and he is not dead,)_

_(there will be a problem, Emil.)_

I looked at Kaoru and how he sat - perfectly calm and unaware.  
Oh, if he was one of my kind he would be a sight to behold. A perfect specimen to ruin and claim.  
Nonetheless, I feared for him, almost as much as I feared for myself.


End file.
